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STOP PRESS! Some people never learn! Infamous pub landlord Scouse Neil is celebrating his recent release from HMP Slade by putting on an Autumn Bonfire Special at the Winning Post, where the band will be followed by a ceremonial torching of the pub for the insurance. The world famous Saucy Flapdragons, fresh from a whirlwind tour of the Harvey's sample room, have been booked at great expense and with little regard for the safety of the stout yeomen of Plumpton Green. Parish Councillors have objected to the granting of planning permission for the party, but the gig goes ahead courtesy of the recklessness of the local judiciary who quite clearly can be bought. The normal "Third Saturday Wife Swapping Party" goes ahead as normal in the village hall, but will probably be finished by the time the band goes on, as no one is getting any younger. Female revellers are invited to divest themselves of unwanted undergarments at the appropriate time during the performance as usual.




NEXT GIG

Sat 19 November
Scouse Neil's Second Coming
The Winning Post, Plumpton Green, East Sussex, BN7 3DR


The Saucy Flapdragons are officially the most fun you can have with your clothes on. According to the British Skin Foundation, regular application can reduce visible signs of ageing, resolve the Middle-East crisis and provide a credible Plan B for the government's economic strategy.

Faced with accusations that the band was "overhyped", impressario Simon Cowell insisted that there was no reason why the Flapdragons could not carry on their meteoric rise and outsell the Beatles. Cowell commented "The Saucy Flapdragons are living proof that if you get the chemicals right anything is possible".

Between world tours, new album releases, artistic differences and live sessions on Radio 4, the hardest working band since Spinal Tap are still available for private parties, weddings and corporate events. So if you think you're cool enough, your flares wide enough and your platforms high enough, maybe you should book the Saucy Flapdragons. Oh go on. Please.