The Saucy Flapdragons are:

Sarah Rolph- Vocals and impressive frontage
Nick Daniel- Bass, vocals, soldering iron
Steve Hayman- Drums, bad jokes
Mark O’Hara- Guitar, vocals, weight problem
David Rolph- Keyboards, vocals, tight trousers
Brian Wiseman- Guitar, vocals, attitude

more photos.... Sarah Rolph: Vocals and impressive frontage Sarah is the baby and babe of the band. She is so hip she needed a new one, but her other assets are as nature provided. Normally encased in leather, she struts her stuff like a cross between a young Tina Turner and Mick Jagger. One of the side effects of her lung capacity is a voice which could stop a herd of rampaging wildebeest crossing the Serengeti and she can sing too! Many of the band's songs are older than she is, but this doesn't stop her from making them her own. As her reputation has grown, her contract rider demands have become more diva-like, now stretching to fans held by Nubian eunuchs during performances and demanding to be known only as X. Her party trick with a pork and leek sausage has been banned in all 50 states of America.

more photos.... Nick Daniel: Bass, vocals For some reason best known to herself, Sarah decided that Nick should be called Barry, so very few people (including Nick) seem to know who he is. He is however a fine bass guitarist with a very large amplifier. Though right handed, Nick set himself a challenge by learning to play the bass left handed. This also allows him to goose Sarah at will with the end of the bass whilst playing. Nick also has a fine singing voice which is only slightly handicapped by not being able to remember any of the words. Nick's main personality trait is an inability to say no, which has led to some interesting encounters on the Brighton club scene and also means that he is physically incapable of getting anywhere on time. His entry in Who's Who lists his pastimes as "radio 4, the Daily Telegraph crossword and dogging". Which is nice.

more photos.... Steve Hayman: Drums and tea The elder statesman of the Flapdragons, Steve was recently elected as a local councillor, when he mistakenly stood for election in the belief that he was putting his name down for a wife-swapping party. In common with other great drummers such as John Bonham, Keith Moon and Cozy Powell, Steve seems pre-destined to die young, especially if Lesley finds out what he did on that lads tour to Amsterdam. In his spare time, Steve runs a local building contractor which has been in business since 1936, coincidentally the same year Steve first joined a band and the approximate age of most of his one-liners with which he subjects each audience to. The band did take out a super-injunction to stop him telling awful jokes, but unfortunately they were banned by the terms of the court order from telling him anything about it, or that it even existed, so the jokes continue and the band has to work for the next twenty years to pay the legal fees.

more photos.... Mark O’Hara- Guitar, vocals No one really knows where Mark came from. He just turned up one day and no one had the heart to tell him to bugger off. This mistake has gone on to hamper the band's progress at every turn. His voice is a cross between Lee Van Cleef and William Shatner although he does possess perfect pitch, always singing exactly one semitone out of tune. His dress sense is lamentable and his sense of rhythm totally absent, which can be a drawback for guitarists. He does know every lyric to every song recorded in the 1970s, which can make him a useful pub quiz team member, but his rockstar aspirations are frankly pathetic. At his 50th party a while back, he was successfully upstaged by all three of his children, who showed him how it should be done. It's not as though he hasn't got the gear- he has some lovely guitars and amps, it's just that they would sound better with no strings.

more photos.... David Rolph: Keyboards, vocals The only male member of the band young enough to qualify for heartthrob status, David regularly ends up wearing womens' underwear at gigs, normally on his head. His calm and passive demeanour are a result of years of marriage to Sarah, who has clearly been putting something in his bedtime cocoa- no one can be that cool. David's ability to sing in tune and pitch harmonies with Barry gives the band a strength in depth in its vocals, which is further strengthened when he takes lead duties. The rest of the band is getting a little concerned about the increasing amount of make up being used, but reckon that it is just his new romantic phase and have decided to find it charming.

more photos.... Brian Wiseman: Guitar Brian has the rock star looks, the rock star hairstyle, the rock star designer stubble and Brian has not one, but two Flying Vs. As penis substitutes go, there are none better and Brian makes full use of the raw sexual energy that strapping on a V gives him. A humble shopkeeper by day, by night he is transformed into a veritable rock god- men want him and women want to be him. If you look closely during a gig, Brian uses no pedals or technical trickery- just a guitar, his trusty Rivera amp and some electricity. There is no sound Brian can't get and his blistering solos give the Flapdragons a dimension not available to many bands who don't have a Page, May or Clapton to call on. In a cruel twist of irony, Brian is almost entirely deaf, having battered his ears into submission over the years, so he has no idea how good he is.

MATT and DJ, crew These are the guys who make sure the show goes on. They get there before the band, set the sound and lights up, make the band sound and look good, especially a challenge in Mark's case, provide music in the breaks and then put it all away again afterwards. A thankless task which they carry out with good humour and patience, never snapping when someone forgets to plug something in or points a mic directly at a speaker. Couldn't do it without them!